Happy NEW YEAR!!!

So I don't believe in resolutions but I am going to try to excersie this next year and become more healthier~ oh and find a JOB!!
Happy New Year!
Wendy

Hey Toto I think we are in Washington!

WOW!!! It is raining!!! I feel right now that I am in washington....All the snow is melted and gone away. I kinda miss it but now I can go and find more joby jobs~ Please keep me in prayer for work!
Other than that I am good and happy!
Love you
Wendy

The aftermath!

What a day it was and will now go down in the Wendy Christmas archives as being one of the best Christmas' thus far! Not because of gifts but because I was with family I love. I spent the morning with Chris and his family opened gifts and then I cooked breakfast!!! Sandy and Justin came over to my cousin's next door and cooked them prime rib dinner since they were gonna be alone so I went and hung out while my family were all napping! :) Then I was back in the kitchen (which was my gift) and made prime rib, sweet potatoes(mmm yummmm) mashed ones too and other things! But the fun part was that Chris' mom and his neice(she claims me as her aunt) and I sat down and played Sorry...I haven't played that game since I was a kid. It was kinda fun since I won! :) After the game of Sorry we were going to play Scrabble but instead all of us had a some sort of beer or wine and we just sat and chatted around the breakfast bar with our friend Camron who came to visit us! It was nice! Then we went back over to my cousins and hung out for a little while. It sure was a day!
Wendy

Merry Christmas!!!

To all my family, friends and fans I have out there in cyber, blogger land....
May the season bring you Joy and Happiness to you and all your families! It has been a year! A hard year and a happy one as well! I won't go and repeat all the stuff in my blog in the past year and bore you all But I just want to let some of you know on a personal note how much you all mean to me!

Pastor and Wendy:
What and where do I start or say! You both have been a major part of my life and I am blessed to be one of the kids(both sandy and I) I am thankful for the love you guys have shown my family over all the years and especially in the most recent with Grampa in heaven and how you have helped and taken care of Gramma when I cannot be there! And I am thankful that you two have been such Godly "parents" to me and helping me get thru the rough moments (which sometimes don't seem to stop). Thank you for ALWAYS being there with encouragement and love!
I love you guys!

Amy and Ryan:
Amy as long as I can remember you have always been my closest and dearest friend reguardless of the miles between us! You hold a special part in my heart that will never be given to anyone else! (Ryan too!) Both you and Ryan have also encouraged me to be a stronger Christian woman and I thank you for that! By your walk I see the Lord sooo clear as day in you! I know we have our moments but I never see that in you! I loove you Amy Lou and your family!
PS tell Pam and Moo Thank you for the Christmas card! It meant a lot!

Jessica
Thank you for being you! I really appreciate all the little comments you leave me here! And it makes me feel loved to know that you care! I still have the 5 bucks for the frozen custard place! May you and Chris be blessed this Christmas with your little angel's first Christmas! I love you Jess!
May the reason for the season be of Our Lord Jesus and be a time of fun and blessing with our families!
Love you all!
Wendy

Snow Snow Snow and still more snow to come!

Well it's official! I LOVE THE SNOW!!! Ok not that drastic but it is sooo pretty! The other nite Chris and I were walking around in the snow and one of the outside lights were on and we actually saw an individual snow flake and it was soooooo beautiful and delicate looking! Snow flakes really do look like the ones we see hanging around or on tv or where ever! And the awesome thing is that it is another one of God's amazing creation! The only thing that discourages me of the snow is the lack of experience I have driving in it and the lack of studs or chains for our truck! So that means being stranded. But you just learn to deal with it and go on with your lives!
Yesterday my little man...AKA Gizzmo decided he needed to go potty and well he has been having problems coming home when called. So now we are back to puppy training, back on a leash and going out only when mommy takes him out! Im bummed I have to do this again because HE LOVES the snow and to not let him play in it bothers me! Sometimes I wonder if it bothered my parents when they put us on groundation and knew there was something going on that we wanted to do if they felt bad we couldn't go and enjoy it!
I went to the Christmas program last night with my cousin and her family! It was soo cute and hard for me at the same time! I was an actual audience member and not involved in it. Of course the little ones singing "Away in the Manger" was a hit! And the teen agers were quite the actors! They put on a funny little skit! It got me a little more in the Christmas spirit! I know that I should be in the spirit because this is the time to celebrate the birth of Jesus and in my heart I am overwhelmed by the Love that God gave us that night in a manger. But the human part of the celebrating has been a hard one! I thought I would be ok but I am a mess! and I go thru it day after day one day at a time!
I love you all
wendy

It's been awhile

Ok so I haven't written in a while and it's only because our computer here is super duper sloooooooooooow and lately it doesn't want to load up blogger!!!!
We have been having a DUMPING of snow here and I LOVE IT!!! This will be my first White Christmas that I can remember. I am having a difficult time with the season though! Last year I was able to go home and be with my family up in Washington. My dad for our family get together my dad dressed up like Santa. The whole family loved it especially the kids! My dad of all just LOVED doing it and watching the kids! We all got pictures with Santa and told him what we wanted for Christmas and as I was sitting on his lap I told him I was a good girl and that I wanted a car for Christmas, since I was in an accident 2 months prior and needed some wheels!
So the next morning(Christmas) I opened all my presents and low and behold I got a car! But not what you think! It was my dream car '69 dodge charger but only a hotwheel version! But we both started to laugh and it was just the both of us because it was between my daddy and me!
I didn't really think I was going to have such a hard time this Christmas season but I am! Not having a job has been the icing on the cake. Not even sending Christmas cards to my family or buying gifts for every one is the hard! But really not having my dad around is has been the hardest thing for me to endure! Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get over it all but only Gods knows!
Another hard thing for me is that I won't be able to go to my Valley Bible anymore! We merged with another Church and the other building is much bigger to hold both congregations! I wanted to be at the last service but unfortunately the weather and the lack of transportation is the reason. I have sooooo many memories there at Valley! And I will always hold them all dear to my heart!
The one thing that has been a joy to me is recieving the few Christmas card from family and friends!
I love you all and wish the Merriest and happiest Christmas with your family and friends. Be safe and good to eachother!
I love you all!
Wendy

Desprately need some feedback...PLEASE...What I have Observed lately

I go to church every sunday if I am allowed too...(I rarely miss) and I don't sit in the same place every sunday like I did in Washington. Anyways Church starts out with praise and worship, then we do the Lords Supper...every sunday. First thing is that the way they do the Lord's supper is that we ALL line up and there are 4 tables that have the bread and juice along with the offering boxes. I don't like this. I don't feel like I am honoring the Lord's supper as I am to do so. The pastor doesn't even read the passages in the Bible that explain what each thing symbolizes. But because I want to honor God I go and do the Lord's supper.

Then after that we have a time for silent prayer which I think and believe we should do before communion because we need to have our hearts right before partaking in communion...right??? So knowing this I try to sit as far in the back as I can so I can have that most intimate time with my LORD!

Then the pastor gets up and does his speech, er i mean sermon...I notice first that he has the verse's that he is preaching from on the screens and lets the congregation know that they can find the passage on whatever pages. FIRST not only do I notice that the congregation or most of them not pick up the Bible in front of them but I rarely see any one carry one in with them!!! SECOND the pastor doesn't even break open his bible and really I don't think I ever see him with one in his hands!
I guess I hold my church, Valley Bible, in washington at such a high level that there are no Churhes good enough for me! I chose this church I am going to because it is not radical, they do a lot for the community and for their people. But I honestly think that a lot of the congregation are only sunday christians! The way the church is and the seats are posistioned you can see a lot of people and what they are doing! And I see couples with their arms around each other and mom's carring for their babies! And the only people with their bibles open were 2 teenage girls sitting in front of me and mom and dad not!
You would think that if the verses were provided that you would see people take notes right??? NOT!!!
One lady whom I was sitting next too made the comment to me "boy you sure have a lot of notes in your bible"(ephesians)
Now on to the sermon....I have been biting my tongue because I am not a pastor nor someone that has any authority to say but I am at loss of what to think! The pastor does have a message and he gets it across in a short amount of time(it could be because of 3 services) but I feel no conviction and feel like they are sugar coated with what the congregation wants to hear.

Honestly I do like this Church. The womens bible study is great! After the new year I am going to join the group that is doing Beth Moore's-Esther: It's tough being a woman. I am excited!
Anyways I want to meet with the pastor and tell him what I have observed but do I have the right to do so???
Wendy

Santa Baby

Ok so here is another song that makes me giggle every time I hear it! My gramma at times has sung it when ever it came on the radio along with a little goofy dance or something! She draws out the inner Eartha Kitt!

Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree,For me.

been an awful good girl,Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa baby, a 54 convertible too,Light blue.

I'll wait up for you dear,Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Think of all the fun I've missed,Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed,

Next year I could be just as good,

If you'll check off my Christmas list,

Santa baby, I wanna yacht,

And really that's not a lot,Been an angel all year,

Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa honey, there's one thing I really do need,The deed

To a platinum mine,

Santa honey, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex,

And checks.

Sign your 'X' on the line,Santa cutie,

and hurry down the chimney tonight.

Come and trim my Christmas tree,

With some decorations bought at Tiffany's,

I really do believe in you,

Let's see if you believe in me,

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing,

A ring. I don't mean on the phone,

Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight,

Hurry down the chimney tonight,

Hurry, tonight.

Still no word yet on the job! As of yesterday she still had to do my refrences. Also my cousin Ryan is doing well as of Last friday. He had a skin graph taken from his leg to put on the wound where it was too swollen to stitch up! I am not sure if he is home, last email I got he was to go home on wednesday! The family is all getting together to help put up Christmas lights and do a turkey day just for him next week! I wish I could be there!

Talk to you soon

wendy

Grandma Got ran over by a Reindeer...

OK so this is in the silly kinda goofy part of my life! Chris and I were chatting with another and I was telling him about my blog and what I was doing and asked him what his favorite or one of his faves Christmas songs! SO he came up with Grandma got ran over by a reindeer!!!
I was thinking to my self that I sure hope my gramma doesn't over indulge in eggnog this year!!! I won't be home to protect her from Santa's mean old reindeer!

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer is a goofy Christmas song and an animated movie.
Written by Randy Brooks, the song was originally performed by the husband and wife duo of Elmo and Patsy Shropshire in 1979. In the lyrics, the grandmother of the family gets drunk from drinking too much eggnog and decides to return home to retrieve her forgotten medication. In the course of her walk, she is run over by Santa and killed (however, the video has her stagger in alive at the end)

Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer

Grandma got run over by a reindeer Walking home from our house Christmas eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa, But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
She'd been drinking too much eggnog,

And we'd begged her not to go.

But she'd left her medication, So she stumbled out the door into the snow.
When they found her Christmas morning, At the scene of the attack.

There were hoof prints on her forehead, And incriminating Claus marks on her back.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer, Walking' home from our house Christmas eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa, But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

Now were all so proud of Grandpa, He's been taking this so well.

See him in there watching football, Drinking' beer and playing cards with cousin Belle.
It's not Christmas without Grandma. All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder: Should we open up her gifts or send them back?

Grandma got run over by a reindeer, Walking home from our house Christmas eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa, But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

Now the goose is on the table And the pudding made of fig.

And a blue and silver candle, That would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig.
I've warned all my friends and neighbors. Better watch out for yourselves.

They should never give a license, To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer, Walking' home from our house, Christmas eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa, But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

Enjoy a giggle for the day!

Wendy

PS I called the job that I had an interview for and they haven't finished my references yet!!

I almost have it!!!

So the interview went GREAT!!! They have to check my job references and personal ones too and I should get a call today or tomorrow! They are in need of flexible workers able to do 24 hr shifts along with a few hourly ones as well! SOOOOOOOOOO I will let you all know more when I hear more!
LOVE
ME

EXCITING AND WONDERFUL NEWS!!!!

I got a Job interview tomorrow at 1:00pm at for a senior in home care giving agency!!! I am soooo EXCITED I can't contain myself! PLEASE PRAY FOR ME on or around or whenever before 1!!! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZEE!!!!


I will fill you all in! oh yeah Hey Rev I did put you down for a reference!!! :)
Love ya all
and Because HE LIVES!!!
Wendy

O Holy Night...day 2

Holy Night...Day 2 This song makes tears come to my eyes EVERY time I hear or try to sing it! It reminds me that even though my Grampa Culbertson bah humbuged Christmas on the outside he was the biggest giddiest kid too! One Christmas season WAY back when he sang this for our church Christmas program and when I hear it I always hear him singing it not the singer. This was one song I wished I was able to sing with him but never got the chance. My grampa had such a beautiful voice and this was something we had in common. We would sing and sing on our way to Church on family trips or just on the weekends at grampa and gramma's house.

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining,

It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth;

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,

Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn

Chorus

Fall on your knees, Oh hear the angel voices!

O night divine, O night when Christ was born!

O night, O holy night, O night divine.

2. Led by the light of faith serenely beaming

With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand

So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming

Here come the wise men from Orient land

The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger

In all our trials born to be our friend.

Chorus

He knows our need, He guardeth us from danger

Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!

Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!

3. Truly He taught us to love one another

His law is love and His gospel is peace

Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother,

And in His name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

Let all within us praise His holy name.

Chorus

Christ is the Lord, O praise His name forever!

His pow'r and glory evermore proclaim!

His pow'r and glory evermore proclaim!

May the words bless you as they do me~

Love you all and much!

Wendy

"White Christmas"...Day one

So this is one of my ALL time favorite movies to watch around the holidays! It brings a lot of wonderful memories to head. One of them is that this movie would always come on when my sister Sandy and I would stay the night at Gramma and Grampa Culbertson's on the weekends. And of course we would sit and watch it. Grampa and I then would start crooning together all the Bing Crosby songs and yes the Hanes sisters too! I thought that it was cool to be able to have Bing Crosby in surround sound. When Grampa sang he had a golden voice like ol' Bing and I would love to hear him sing.
"White Christmas" was written ny Irving Berlin in early 1940 making fun of the californians, there is a verse before the chorus we know. It was also first sang in the movie staring Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire called "Holiday Inn". White Christmas also received the Academy Award for the best song that year.
"White Christmas is famous for other reasons as well. The World War II had destroyed not only the nations but also the hopes and aspirations of millions. With an uncertain future the dark bleak days were a torment to many. White Christmas was like a fresh breeze, giving a feel-good feeling and succor to the tormented souls. The main reason was the song expresses a sense of yearning and peace. By the time the war got over, White Christmas was the biggest selling single, a record unbroken for more than fifty years." (taken from the website http://www.christmascarnivals.com/christmas-history/history-white-christmas.html )
White Christmas was then made into a Musical in 1954 which stars GREAT old timmers like Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney(Yes, George Clooney's Aunt) and Vera-Ellen. One little tid bit is that Vera-Ellen was a very disaplined dance where as Clooney was a beautiful singer. They had to dub in another singers voice for any songs that Vera-Ellen sang in that movie.
White Christmas

The sun is shining

The grass is green

The orange and palm trees sway.

I've never seen such a day

In Beverly Hills LA.

But it's December the 24th

And I am longing to be up North.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

Just like the ones I used to know.

Where the treetops glisten,

And children listen

To hear sleigh bells in the snow.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

With every Christmas card I write.

May your days be merry and bright.

And may all your Christmases be white.

Take care and enjoy one of my faves!!!

Love and God Bless you all!

Wendy

Just hello....

Hi just wanted let every one know I have been thinking and praying for you all! Even if I don't know any of you that read this! Church was great today! I got to play with the little ones for the second service!! I got HUGS Gaaaaaalore!!!! And a kiss! Starting tomorrow I am going to share my 25 days of Christmas with special Christmas songs that mean something to me! Not all are christian songs....They all have a reason...hopefully I will be diligent enough to write EVERY DAY!!! I will be at Sandy's for the next week while Justin is Skiing in California with some friends! YEAH!!!!!....Sister time!! in the process I will have the use of her car to look for jobs! PLEASE PRAY FOR A JOB!!!
Love you all!!! Wendy

Wendy's 100....

What I am THANKFUL FOR!!! not just today but EVERYDAY!

1 My salvation
2 Chris' salvation
3 My family (ALL OF THEM)
4 My struggles
5 My freedom to worship GOD in public
6 The military
7 MY Gramma and Grampa Culbertson
8 My friends;old and new
9 My sister
10 Chocolate
11 Gods nature
12 Gods nurture
13 Gods LOVE
14 Gods forgiveness
15 marrying my ex husband...I have become a srtonger woman because of my situations with him
16 my car accident
17 my dad passing away....because of his alcohalism my ex husband finaly became sober! Also after telling a friend of Chris and mine about how my daddy died, he quit using pain killers(300 dollar a week habbit) but in no way am I thankful he physically died The lord knows and everyone else does to know how much I miss him and not having him here or up in washington for the holidays is gonna be rough!
18 After almost 5 weeks I finall talked to my mom!
19 Chris...There are sooo many things that I am thankful for because of him!
20 My Church back home in Washington...I miss you all SOOOOOOO very much!
21 My Church here in Central Oregon
22 football...THe seahawks tried....GO GIANTS!
23 Camping
24 fishing
25 snow
26 turning 30!!! That was THE best day of my 2008 year!!!
27 Music
28 Nascar
29 my education and the continuation of learning
30 My dog...he is such an awesome companion
31 my new family here in Central Oregon
32 LOVE...Being in Love and loving people and people loving you back is such a great feeling.
33 my health
34 that I am able to do all things thru Christ! and understand it too
35 being able to witness to others freely
36 getting letters in the mail from my gramma
37 the smell of fall
38 the mountains
39 The fact that life is NOT EASY!!!
40 my Bible
41 My Auntie Kim and Uncle Steve....My other parents who have and will always be there for me and Sandy
42 Children...They can take you away to far off places just having a conversation with them! They are sooo much fun!
43 tattoos
44 softball
45 not shopping on black friday...
46 I have a home
47 I have a use of a vehical
48 those that have helped me out since I haven't had a job
49 X-Box Guitar Hero...New found addiction :)
50 taking my dogs for walks with Chris in the snow at night!
51 my FREEDOM!!!
52 That God Protects us
53 That God punishes us too
54 my John McArthur devotional book...I finally got it!
55 studying Gods word with Chris
56 smiles


OK so I thought I could come up with a 100 things I am thankful for and will continue it as they all come to me!
Just know that I am a very thankful and feel so blessed to have you all that read that have been a part of my whole or most of my life! I love you all so much! I miss you all as well and can't wait to see you all too!
Love you all
Wendy

OK Post 100 will be tomorrow this is post 101! :)

Just want to wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving being with your family or friends! Here is a Turkey day joke!

Q.) What do you get when you cross a banjo with a turkey?

A.) A bird that plucks it self!

Here is something I would be listening too with my dad! This has been a Turkey day Tradition dating as long as I can remember!

Alice's Restaurant:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8DtpdXZi0M

God Bless and love to you all
Wendy

Thanksgiving poem

I love poetry and sometimes write it too. But for some reason I couldn't find the words to put to paper. As the Holidays come this season I have a heavy heart! And so finding joy reading other peoples poetry has made me smile and reminisce the past years of happy togetherness. This was a poem I found on www.all poetry.com

Hope you enjoy it!

Blessed Harvest

Bountiful harvest we give thanks

Let families gather once more

Eat and converse round the table

Stuffing and roast turkey galore

Sisters brothers uncles and aunts

Everyone full of holiday cheer

Decanter of white wine mellow

Hearth and home we gather near

A room full of smiles and laughter

Reminiscing of what use to be

Vehement and lively discussions

Embracing the loved ones we see

Saying a prayer for our blessing

Thankful for friends and family

PS

Tomorrow will be my 100th blogg! Whoa nelly!! :)

Upate...

So Ryan(my cousin) went thru over 8 hours of surgery. It ends up that he had 4 compound fractures and at the end the bone was crushed which they put back together! He should have full recovery with time and PT!! The circulation ordeal should not be a problem either! YEAH!!!!

Today I went to my other cousin's to help her clean her house! She could use prayer too! She tore her bicep in the right arm and so she has no use of it! Vickie tries not to use conventional medicine! All Homiopathic stuff the more natural the better!

Lets see....Im gearing up for my 100 blogg hopefully will be on Turkey day!! Stay tuned!
Love you all!!!
Hugs and prayers
younger wendy :)

MAJOR PRAYER REQUEST!!!!

I found out yesterday that my cousin Ryan back home in Washington got his hand stuck in a conveyor at work! He sustained 5 compound fractures from his forearm to his bicep, also there is comlications with circulation...There is a special word for it and it starts with a "C"...but anyways Please pray for Ryan and his wife Jaime. In an update this morning my aunt had said he was going in for surgery and that was around 7am! I have not heard from her yet as she does have the grandkids.

Friday I went into the Unemployment office and did the employment process they have there and was able to find three jobs to apply to! I say three because you are only allowed 3 job searches a day thru the unemployment office. So today I think I will go and get three more! It's exciting to see availible jobs!
Chris and I went fishing yesterday after Church. I caught a leaf and Chris caught a couple trout! We went for the evening bite and as soon as the sun goes down behind the canyon the fish start a jumpin!!! Even after dark they jump right in front of you especially when you are not in the water and fixing your line! The whole goal was Steelhead but non this time!

I recieved a CD from my gramma of my pastor back in washington's sermon and I want more! Sorry, I do get spiritual food from my pastor here but not like Ol' Rev back home!

Other than that Turkey day is coming soon and Chris and I will be with my sister and Justin and a good friend of ours Jessica! So it shall be fun!
LOVE TO YOU ALL
Wendy

Just another day!

So I woke up today and felt kinda down in the dumps! This job search and no money for gas has really gotten the bestof me! Yeah I know I should not be anxious for tomorrow but there has to be a breaking point right? I was talking to my gramma yesterday and just to hear her voice made my day! I have for 30 short years been a big part of my grandparents lives and they always seem to just say the right things or send the right things! I recieved in the mail yesterday a CD of last weeks sermon from MY Church back home and haven't listen to it yet but will when I am done! She got it for me because of the choir which she told me that they were missing one person....I just had tears in my eyes!
Lately another struggle for me is my mom! I really don't know what else to say or do about her! I wrote her a letter that told her that I forgave her for all the things that has happened to me that she did and all the things she has said to me to hurt me! And I also asked her why my sister was never treated the way she treated me and she got out of that whole letter that I was jealous of my sister and that I thought of her as the golden child! She never calls me or emails me and just last sunday she called my sister...I haven't talked to her in about a month! I want to have a relationship with her but I just don't think that she wants one with me!
Who knows! I do love her and it is times like this that I WANT MY PAPPA BACK!!! Not a day goes by where I don't think of him! He is always on my mind and still can't believe he is gone!
So I guess this is a little depressing today! I hope I can get thru all this! I need my Free John McArthur devotional!!!!
Wendy

Hi Y'All

HI there just wanted to say that I am doing ok except for the stress. I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a cold day here in the high desert....NOPE can we say Global Warming?? It was soooo abnormaly warm that it was kinda freakish thinking I could have worn shorts and a tank top today! I talked to my gramma today for a bit! She informed me of a shooting that involved my church back at home! She also told me she was thinking about going that night for gym night to help out! SCARY!!! But God knows our paths! The job search is getting really frustrating! I know that God has a job out there for me and I just need to wait for His timing. I am really not too happy with my Seahawks these days. I have become a Giants fan for the year! hmmmm Not a lot has happened since I last wrote!
take care love you all
wendy

This and That whats new here in Oregon

I still have not found a job and I am really getting a little more each day worried! I have applications out EVERYWHERE and I call on them and at no prevail nothing! I NEED PRAYER FOR A JOB!!! PLEASE!!!

Other than that I have had a rough week, I have been not feeling very well due to no sleep. I missed Bible study today which I hate to do! :( I don't know if it is because I am stressed out not having a job and borrowing gas money from people...I have no more outlets to borrow.
I am excited to say that I am getting more involved with Church( a year later) I asked about being on the music team and with the holidays and what not the music pastor told me to wait till after the first of the year! I have started to go to ladies bible study! I have met some wonderful women there, Godly women!
I still however wish that the pastor could preach longer on his sermons and maybe it's because there are 3 services?? Who knows.
Sandy is doing good! Where I use to work and where she works still may be shutting their doors, thats why I don't have a job. But she told me that her and Justin will probably move sooner to Texas than April! We shall see! I will miss her A lot though!
Still no 20 feet of snow but a lot of wind today. Perfect steelhead fishing weather this past few weeks. No haven't gone but REALLY want to BAD!! I need to catch one on the fishing pole I got for my birthday from my daddy!
Over all I am ok and will be better when I get some work!
Love you all
Wendy

The Shack

I just recenly finished the book "The Shack". It starts out a guy (mack) getting a letter from "papa" telling him to go to the shack, where a horrible thing happened 3 years prior. Mack took 3 of his kids on a camping trip in Eastern Oregon out by Joseph and one of his kids is abducted and murdered. So he goes back to the place and he has this vision or something that I don't know to believe or even think that this is docturnally sound. He does go bak too the shack and Papa(God) dressed and named as a woman, Jesus and the Holy Spirit were all there answering and talking to Mack and taking him on outings and adventures. Honestly I felt a little creeped out and not sure of it all. I know that God reveals Himself to us but the descriptions and the stuff in this book felt weird! If anyone has read this please tell me what you think! It is based on a true story as well.

Voter's Prayer...

Lord you have had the plans of this world before we were ever breathed into exsistance! Today is all in your hands in the reguards of the new leader you have chosen for us! Keep us in your protection thru all that is to come! Lord you are the the only ruler of all! Protect those that are in our military fighting for our freedoms and our rights. Lord with all the things on the ballots I ask so boldly that you strike down all the wrong and grothesque causes!
Let the world go to you for guidence in decisions that they need to make. Thank you Lord for your unfailing love. Bless this nation with all your love as well!
Thank you Father!
Amen



May you all keep today in prayer for our new President!
wendy

I need HELP!!! BAD!!!

So in the recent days I have been going back and forth with my future Mother in Love about a subject that I cannot back because of lack of knowlede and where to find it in the Bible! She keeps telling me that GOD DOES NOT PUNISH! And that EVERYONE goes to Heaven! And now the new one is that The Trinity are not ONE! Also she keeps telling me there is no Hell!!! When ever she brings this up I clam up and just tell her rather than saying the wrong thing I would rather just drop the subject! But now she has brought it up again and so this is where I need HELP...Pastor Frank, Wendy, Amy, Ryan????....
I know that if we are in God's will and that if we keep doing the things that Glorify Him, He continualy blesses us but it's when we know that we are Child of God and keep on sinning He does swat us...Right???
You would think that after all these years of being in the best Church EVER that I would know all this! If it is easier email me at wendygurl1978@gmail.com
Love to you all
Wendy

Halloween

HMMMM not sure what to say but that today I wish I was a kid so I can get FREE candy!!! HEHEHEHEHE!!! Anyways I was just thinking about all the years my sister and I would go Trick or Treating and one year my gramma Dollie made Witche's Brew...don't know what it was made with but I remember she had the apartment decorated and green lights in the lamps and her big pan of witche's brew! Or many times I would go out with my cousins and then we would come back home and inspect our candy for poison pieces of candy. Luckily I never had apples with razor blades! Although my favorite memories are of the Harvest party my Church back home put on! LOTS of games and LOTS...TONS of candy to make a mom run for the hills after her kids have eaten a lot! But now Im 30 and I can't go trick or treating! I guess thats a good thing! Candy isn't really good for me anyways so I guess the thought is always fun!

Book review!!

So I have been reading some books! GOOD books! I just finished, well a couple of weeks ago, the book "The Secret Life of Bees"! I LOVED IT! First of all I didn't want to put it down and it was a fast read to take a person back in time and get lost for a day or two. It was about a young girl who lost her mom in a freak accident and yes I feel the way the mom died was a freak accident. But the young girl and her "nanny" skip town and the adventure begins. Lily finds a picture with writing on the back in the attic of a place and so she sets out and leaves her town. I was drawn in from the start and finished the book in no more than 8 hours! Lily(the main charactor) does not have a strong relationship with her dad and I felt like she was me, I don't have a strong relationship with my mom. I think that by reading it helped me deal with the issues I have with my mom. But other than that it was a great book! Grab hot chocolate and a blanket and just relax.

The new one I am reading is called "The Shack". It is written by a friend of the subject of the story. It is a true story based here in Oregon. And by the way things are going in the story the main charactor(Mack) is dealing with his walk with God and his lack of faith in him after loosing one of his children in a brutal kidnapping and murder. Mack returns to the crime scene 3 years later and has an experience that is amazing to read....Im not done but when I finish I will let you all know about it!

MY MASTER

Why is it when the money is gone and life seems going down a downward spiral and all you do is sink into a hole and don't leave? I have not had any luck finding a job and sometimes I feel like I am a slave of money that my master is my self trying to live and right now it obviously isn't working! Then I read a verse today:
Romans 14:7~8
None of us lives as our own master and none of us dies as our own master. While we live we are responsible to the Lord, and when we die we dia as Christ's servants. Both in life and death WE are the LORDS.

I think that I have figured out why I really haven't gotten a job....maybe because I wasn't GIVING IT ALL TO GOD like I thought I was but now after reading this verse I feel that God is telling me that He is the only one that I have to please and that EVERYTHING I do is in his name. I pray daily for God to help me find work but my heart attitude probably wasn't right. My worries were paying bills and putting gas in my car, or wanting to go and buy some new clothes since the weather is getting colder. And I have been trying to rely on ME not God! Im not my own Master and thankfuly so because I have not been pleased with my self and if a master is not pleased with his or her servant then there are consequences...Right??? Hence no job.
I was soooo bummed last weekend, that I wanted to come home because I knew I could have my job back at the deli or at the parks and rec department for Auburn. But then that just shows that I was running away from my problems rather than facing them strait down the barrel. I need Prayer I need it for 1. a job 2. that I just TRUST THE LORDS TIMING! 3. that I have peace.
Wendy

Today was a GREAT day!

For once in about a week I really felt GREAT and HAPPY! First it started that I had my dentist appointment! And boy did I wish I had some seditives or something to calm my anxiety! But I just prayed and prayed and prayed. At first Chris was gonna go with me to just be ther for me then early this morning he got a phone call from a friend who had some work he needed help with so he felt bad that I was going a lone but reassured me that Dr. Allen is a wonderful man and a Christian! And that he won't hurt me! And he pointed out to me since we need the extra income that it would be good for him to go do this! It may turn into some extra work we have been praying for thru the local Habbitat for Humanity. It doesn't pay much but it helps those trying to get into their first home. And to him thats what matters! So I had to put my selfishness aside and go by my self! I got to the dentist and I was in and out with in 25 mins. AND IT DIDN'T HURT!!! THANK YOU LORD! Then I went all over Prineville(locals call it tweakerville due to all the meth problems there) and filled out applications for jobs! I was successful in filling out 4 applications and felt good doing it! Then I came home and the house was empty so I sat and caught up on at least one of my good...wait I take that back...one of my longest and bestest friends blog(yes Aim Im talking about yours)Blog...God made playdough! And just read and was ministered to! THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH AMY LOU!!! Your Girls are soooo BEAUTIFUL~ Butterflies don't hurt people like spiders! And then being home alone I got on the phone and called my Gramma Dollie~my hero, best friend, and mentor! We chatted ok she chatted but I just listen to her like there was no end and I didn't want to get of the phone but the cordless phone battery was dying! but we talked for at least an hour and a half! It was wonderful it made my day! So that sums most of it all up today and will try more tomorrow!
Love you all
W

How to convey my true feelings!

I have had the the hardest 3 days this past week! Friday early morning I woke up with a raging headache and threw up and was ill feeling the rest of the day along with saturday! On top of it all I was rejected at Target and that just made life even more upsetting since I have bills piling up and no revenue to take care of it all! AND IM NOT ASKING FOR HELP!!!! Right now the job circut is just a huge void in this area unless if you want to work for Ronald McDonald! And frankly I don't think having a clown for a boss would suit me!

On top of all this I have been REALLY MISSING MY DAD! At time I can't hardly stand it! I just keep it all to my self and then explode in tears! I hear songs and see things and just wish I had just one more minute! But I do know that God knows the time and day we leave this world and we can't controll that at all! I know my life or this world doesn't revolve around my dad but yet I feel the constant pain of not being able to talk to him! Or to send him pictures he would gloat about or make him come down here to visit! All this and with the Holidays around the corner doesn't help! At times my thoughts are just thoughts and I can never really get out what I want to say! I know that God is throwing this hurdle at me! Why??? I don't know. Church today was missionaries so I really didn't get any spiritual food! I am sooo waiting for my John McArther devotional book!
these are just whats going on inmy crazey brain!
Wendy

OK

So in my last blog I was REALLY bummed! It seemed that I would write an email to someone or something and never got replies until 2 weeks or so later! Hence the reason I was thinking about given up my blog! The past 3 weeks have been really hard on me due to not having a job! I lost my job working with Sandy because of sales not being where they need to be and so the owner had to step up and get rid of some costs! I understand but I found out the day after I came back from camping a week and so I barely had a paycheck and my cleaning job is dwindling down for the winter season! So I have been mad dashing all over central Oregon looking for any job I can find! I did have an interview with Target the other day and I think I will call them tomorrow!
Other than that I am still here and loving it A LOT! I have been going to bend 2 times a week for Physical Therapy which I am finding VERY beneficial! I feel better than I did when I was seeing my other PT! These people I see have been the most nicest and caring set of Physical Therapist I have ever encountered! My doctor also sent me home a prescription for 8 sessions of full body massage since the deep tissue I get has been helping on my neck and shoulder muscles! I went steel head fishing in September and no luck! We got skunked! Oh well!
I have been doing a little wedding planning though! We decided to have a small ceremony here at Chris' parents house and not be such a big ordeal! I really don't want a big wedding and neither does he but his mom expressed she wants to be there when we tie the knot!! So sorry if you cant attend! I would have every one there! I got Sandy to commit to catering dinner! She has quite the knack for cooking! And our wedding cake is going to be CHOCOLATE!!!! At Fred meyers they have a chocolate cake that is 4 layers high and in the middle has chocolate fudge and the icing is a chocolate G-nosh(can't spell what I want to say) say the "G" like you were going to say "gun". And then they will put the red roses on it for me! 20 bucks for a wedding cake! We are going to write our own Vows which was Chris' Idea! HMMMM lets see....and since we both LOVE M&M's we are gonna get some personalized! I could go on and on but don't want to bore you! My Divorce should be finalized here in a couple weeks which I can't wait!
I would add recent pictures but I can't upload on the computer here because it is the old school dial up and it takes a million years to up load so when I go to the Library next time I will add some pictures!
I am having a hard time with the holidays around the corner and not having my daddy around! I keep on thinking that he is still here and that I am just asleep and I will wake up and he will be here! The hardest thing for me to deal with is that he won't be here to give me away to Chris! If my Aunt and Uncle come down then my uncle will give me away! but still it won't be the same! I talk to my mom at least once a week but they are short conversations! I do call my gramma more often then my mom though! and now her Email is up I can write her more often! And occasionally snail mail too! Lately I have gotten into snail mail letters I love getting mail and love sending it too! I think I am caught up! Thank you for reassuring me I still have "fans" in the blogging world! I love you all and will try to keep up on this thing!
wendy

Does anybody read my blog anymore??

I sometimes think I want to keep blogging but it just doesn't seem to me that no body reads! At times I write stuff and want opinions and never get them so I may stop blogging! you can email me if you want to know whats up!
wendygurl1978@gmail.com
Wendy

Have you ever???

Have you ever LOVED some one that you wished that time just stood still forever? I truely have found that person! HE is soooo loving and caring and he just makes me feel loved! My days of wondering if love and trust were ever going to happen ended! I read a quote that said: "Don't marry someone you can live with but marry someone you can't live without" When I come home from work he is there to ask me how my day was, to listen to my rants and raves, he protects me by carring for my needs in all aspects of life! He is the most respectful person I know. He has taught me new things about fishing and life! I LOVE CHRIS SOOOO MUCH! I am blessed to have him in my life and to share my spirituality with! God has His reason's for why we go thru the things we go thru and I am Thanking him everyday that He brought me to the place I am today!

MY MYSPACE FRIENDS...

If you are wondering I have reduced my friends on myspace to just my ex husband only due to the reason I can only get a hold of him thru that avenue and that I am no longer his comic wife as I am now just a single woman! I am still engaged but my myspace name is comicwife and it does not fit me any more. Also I will not have another one. I am however on facebook and here!
Thanks for understanding!
Wendy

I am soooo DISCUSTED!!!

I have never really liked it when the elections for presidents have come around, and it seems as though this year is worse then the last elections! I am sooo bummed that these people who want us to pick them as president yet say that they are Christians and they have Christian morals and values sit back and dismantel every thing their apponets stand for or don't. I don't belive in hurting anothers integreity to get to where I want and it makes me sick to see what I have for presidential options. I don't want McCain because if he becomes president then a woman becomes his VP and if something were to happen to him....SHE becomes president! Doesn't GOD tell us that a woman should not be instructors ove men???? And I don't want Obama because he just gives me the creeps! I don't see how this world is thinking....

PLEASE PRAY!!!!!!!

At this time I am not sure of the full details....

Jasons gramma is in the final stages of her colon cancer and now is in the hospital and has been for almost 2 weeks. I haven't gotten a recent update but I know the family is having a hard time. Jason has been taking care of his mom's daily needs and as well has his gramma before she went onto the hospital and he is really weary! His mom has him taking her to doctor appointments she doesn't have. Please keep them in your prayers as they need it! They all need prayer for Salvation and comfort! none of the family is saved....At least no prfession of faith that I know of!
Thanks

What I have become

I have been not sure of how I feel these days! I have AWESOME days and then I have ok days and just a lot of blah, confused, unsure ect...days! I sometimes think that I need to wipe out my old life and just start a new one. I feel so unattatched from my mom and wonder if I will ever have a relationship with her. I am in constant pain because of my stupid car accident. I am not divorced yet like I wanted to be because I have to have my papers notorized which i didn't know about. I have not been able to get any finacial help from my ex husband because he is a stand up comedian and hasn't figured out that after 14 years he isnt famous. Im not asking for handouts or help I am just venting because I can get out what I want to say in writing rather than talking...
BUT even though I feel this way I wouldn't change a single choice I have made, or the jobs I have worked or the people I have married or dated. I can say one thing that I have to go to church. I haven't gone in 2 weeks and I can tell. Chris can tell too! I am blessed he encourages me and us to go to church and to sit and do devotions in the morning and to pray together! Its awesome!

Wendy

The Olympics

I am soooo addicted to the Olympics and everything about them! No I don't miss work or Church or things I need to do in the day just to watch them. But I am amazed of how much these athletes do! I was watching "Today" and they were talking about how much Michael Phelps eats for breakfast...like 2000 calories in one sitting. Thats more than I am supose to eat in a day acording to my doctors. They need all that for just pure burnable energy!
I sit in awe when I see the gymnastics events and am just amazed how these people can just twist and turn in ways I can't and probably will never get the chance to do. I see how most of these athletes become role models for our younger generation and maybe the older ones as well.

My Boys

These are some fun pictures of my two boys! The first one is Milo and Gizzmo doing what they do best....SLEEP!!

The second, third and fourth are pictures of Gizzmo in the "cat" house by Chris' wood shop.

And this is my Big baby Milo! He just had his 9th Birthday on August 4th!

Oooooppsss I did it again..... :)

I got another tattoo......Yes it is a butterfly but it is morphed into an elephant head. It's kool I think :) It kinda hurt but not bad. It is on the back of my right leg on the calf. There is something about getting ink done that is theraputic. Every tattoo I have on me is for the important people of my life. I guess my way of honoring them. I will post pictures soon...slow computer that doesn't like to download pictures! :(
love you all
me

Coffee Talk...

So today Im just gonna ramble. I woke to the sounds of ground shaking loud thunder and my dog licking my face profusely! So I got up and made some coffee and sat in the living room with a family friend and watched the lightning and chatted. I had a great day yesterday...an unplanned GREAT day! Chris and I were doing our monthly chore of cans(here in Oregon you can recycle and get 5 cents per can)(good gas money) and got a phone call from his mom. She wanted to know where we were at and asked us if we could meet her at Fred Meyers and since it was Bobs bday(Chris' stepdad who is also called poppa) and we were cooking dinner for him we thought she wanted us to help shop....Well when we got there she had already did the shopping and she leaned over to whisper in Chris' ear and then told me to go get my engagement ring. So I finally got my ring !!! I have never been soooooooo excited and I just felt like now it is for real! I read a quote that said "Don't marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can't live with out!"
I have truely found that someone!!!! I know I have said this about Jason but I was young and rebelling and was just trying to escape. I moved here to Oregon to get a fresh new start on life and had no intentions of staying here longer than 3 or 4 months. After realizing that I felt healthy and HAPPY being here I decided to stay for a longer period of time. So I moved my stuff and myself to my cousins in Powell Butte and lived there for a little bit and was hanging out fishing and walking the dogs with my neighbor Chris. We became good friends and learned more and more about each other and found we have a lot in common and that we have the same goal of simplicity. We then started to fall for each other and again I HAD MY GUARDS UP REALLY HIGH!!!! I was a little brat sometimes as he was too at times! But once we sat down and discussed how we felt, we released the walls and became closer than ever. We both have a strong LOVE for the Lord more and more each day and we both are learning together.
I Truely with out a doubt believe that God gives us things and conflicts and hurdles to make us stronger but also to bring us back to him. Im praising God daily for my tribulations and my many Joys!
Wendy

DATING?!!???!!!?

Is this really suppose to happen this soon after your husbands death??? My mom has informed me that she has gone on a few dates with different men...I feel a little angry of the disrespect that she has shown towards my dad in life and death and now this is just another chapter in the book. Sandy sees it as it could be a blessing in disquise and that maybe this dude doesn't drink as much as she does and could be a good thing. Maybe she will cut back on drinking. But then again as I was talking with her last nite she was drunk and I couldn't stand to be on the phone with her.

Other news in my life....I had my MRI and my bones looked normal soooooo now I get to see a Chronic Pain Specialist! Oh YEAH!!! The pain I feel is intensly irritating! I wake up in the morning in pain go thru the day in pain and then by the evening is around I feel ok and then when it is time to settle down then the circle starts over! So the doc said that my pain is in my muscles.
wendy

Life is GRAND!

I love life I am happy and in control of what I can control! just thought I let you all know!
wendy

The good that came out of my dad's death...

So I recieved an email from my ex husband this morning. He was asking how I was doing and what not and proceeded to tell me that I was in his thoughts lately. He kept telling me how my dads death had affected him a great deal and that he has started to go to AA. He now is doing comedy sober and also is drug free he told me for the last 11 days!
Not once in our marriage did anything scare him tomake him want to change. I am prouod of the accomplishment he has made to not end up the same way my dad or his BIOLOGICAL dad did.
Now the next prayer is that he makes a commitment to the LORD! He is a great person down deep and just pray that he finds Gods peace in his life! I know that when the day comes when his mom passes away that he will be a wreck and I hope and pray that he is emotionaly stable and sober to deal with it all.
Wendy

Yup

So I talked to my mom yesterday and for some reason I don't feel close to her anymore...I found myself fishing around for things to say and nothing came to mind. I told her about my garden(which is doing great!) and asked her about the L&I thing if she has gotten a hold of anyone yet. and after 13 mins of almost wasted time on our cell phones I told her I had to go. I knew I never really had a close relationship with her but sometimes like now I wish that I could talk to her but I just cant. I need prayer in this part of my life because I fell like I don't have any parent anymore. I feel abandon.

The Secret????

I have come across a movie called "The Secret". What is the secrect you may ask?? As far as I can gather it is the law of attraction. Not just people but things as well. You are to have a higher power...DUH and you are suppose to think about positive things and they will attract to you! So I was thinking that if I put my TRUST in my Higher Power(GOD) I will attract what I need in my life not my wants because my wants are not all that God wants me to have right now or maybe never. Who knows. I am really not sure about this movie I haven't watched it all but it is also a book. One of the contributors is Jack Canfield, the guy who wrote the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books.
I would like some feedback on this book if anyone knows.

Other stuff I saw the doctor dude and he is trying to get me approved to have an MRI done on my neck and shoulders so I am waiting. The hurry up and wait period of my life! It is amazing how one person can endure annoying pain for a long period of time! I was the slacker but I also didn't want to have to continue doctor care. I did switch doctors though because I felt the other doctor I had didn't address other things I was complaining about. I sometimes think that he was just working for workmans comp than for me as the patient. They don't like to keep claims open.
I will be getting my fishing blog going here soon I hope...
Take care miss all of you
wendy

New Monday rituals!

So I work with my sister and my boss is a new christian and she and another Wendy(awesome name) are starting a bible study in the mornings. She told me that its gonna be in the book of Romans! I am sooooo STOAKED!!!! I love Romans...Ok I love the whole Bible.
On tuesday I am going to see a Doctor reguarding my car accident back in September. I am having a hard time getting out of bed in the mornings because I am in sooooo much pain in my neck and Shoulder region. Of course this happens after my claim is closed. Just pray that I can get this all done and over with and to be able to put it behind me.
Love
Wendy

I dont know....

I miss him soooo much! Last night I was on my way home from fishing(the evening bite) and I just started to cry! I was thinking about my dad and how he was the one who barely caught the fish with him and my Uncle Chuck. I wanted to call and talk to him and tell him that my new fishing pole doesnt work....it doesn't catch fish! I have gone out 3 times since I got it and no fish! NONE!!! Or like the other day while walking tru the garden Chris and I planted and noticing the new growth on our crop and how I wanted to gloat to tell him I got tomatoes. I just seem to not want to believe he is not there anymore that he is now just mere ashes.

This and that!

So on Monday Chris and I went fishing with Sandy and Justin in the almighty Deschutes river! Oh it was sooooo much fun! Didn't catch anything but my sister! (will explain) But the day started at 4:30 for me. We all drive about 45 mins or so north of Crooked River Ranch to a campground called Trout Creek. The boys definetly had a silent mission...catch more than the other, where as Sandy and I just fished. We all kinda split up and I hung out with my little sis. I felt sooo happy that I was actually showing my little sister how to do something and guiding her as much as I could. Growing up this would have never happenend! I am soo blessed to have Sandy for my sister! God always seems to amaze me daily!
But anyways, Sandy and I found "the spot" not "THE spot" but our spot! The river was flowing and not so very deep and yet some how after your legs become numb you can still walk! We found a couple of rocks, Sandy's was a couple inches submerged in the river where mine was sticking out of the water. We both just said no worries about getting wet and fished! It would have been a classic picture of the two of us sittin in the water fishin!
After a while and 3 snags on each other we decided to go find the boys. I clipped our lines and tied some knots and got off my rock, and for some reason this sort of thing ALWAYS happens when you are sooooooo close to the shoreline; I fell in! I knew I was done for the day! And it felt really good because the sun was so HOT!!!!!
The next day at work I saw Sandy and she had racoon eyes and a red face! I did offer some sun screen but she declined! Maybe it was the big sister thing? I will never know~
Pictures soon to follow
Wendy

10 Years

So yesterday would or still kinda is my 10 year wedding anniversary. I honestly thought Iwould have been emotionally crazey with all the events in the last 20 days(since my bday). But I have to say that day doesn't mean anything to me any more! Don't get me wrong there were great days and I will always remember them but trying to forget the bad ones is what I am trying to do. Only time!!!!
I was asked last night if I had any regrets in my life. I said "no". I am a FIRM believer that we are given situations for a reason and sometimes things have to be hard to get to the point we need to be. At this point I am VERY HAPPY!!! Not depressed like I was a year ago. I am doing things that I LOVE to do.
Its funny 10 years ago on July 11th I couldn't wait to be Mrs. Jason Stewart, now I can't wait till my name changes back to Ms. Wendy Marie Culbertson.
I feel privaledged that my dad was able to walk me down the aisle and give me away.
But I am moving on to bigger and better things! I will be soon having another blog. It's gonna be fishing diaries!!! With pictures!(im still keeping this one)
Love you all
Wendy

Its kinda weird

I thought that life stood still when I lost my grampa Bob 6 years ago, but now with only a week and a couple days of not having my dad call me to tell me a stupid joke or to rant about something or just to talk has been REALLY WEIRD!!!! Or vice versa me wanting to call him and tell him things like the other day Chris and I went fishing and I used the fishing pole I bought with my Bday money from my parents and that I didn't catch anything...Oh but Chris caught 5 trout, and that as I was putting some worms in a cool place I was actually laying them down on a baby rattle snake!!!! Yeah just a little creepy! I feel a void. I know I have to move on and keep going like every other thing I have had to endure.
My mom called me and told me that she went and picked up his remains the other day! My dad wanted to be cremated and his ashed spread on lake Kapowsin! We always went there to go fishing. Dad always went to a certain spot and we would have fried chicken or ham and cheese sandwiches and WD40! (it helped attract the fish) I haven't been there for about 20 years! WOW I am getting older! Yikes!!!! :)
I just pray that my mom doesn't sink into a depression like my dad. She was hiding bottles of vodka when Sandy and I were home and I was furious the whole time I was home. I understand that she was grieving but she also knew that Sandy and I HATE it when her and dad were drinking non stop like they do! I just don't want to have to go thru all this stuff sooner than later! I know that my mom has a chance! I want to build a relationship with her but I feel she keeps pushing me away more and more.
See ya
wendy

Reflecting

I am going to miss you Pappa! I love you and will always love you!!!! You are my hero and bestfriend! Love you! Pooh

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!!!

To day is my little boy...Gizzmo's 1st BIRTHDAY!!!!

I miss you little boy and Milo and Daddy!!!!

Some times....

Sometimes I just want to SCREAM out! I said goodbye to my dad today. He actually looked good, he had some color and he also kinda had a goofy smirk on his face! Thats my dad! Today Sandy and I put our foot down and refused to buy my mom any booze! On our way out the door my mom asked if we could pick up a 6pak...and I said what of???...Coca cola??? then she said no bud select(her fave beer) Then I said oh you mean O'doules! Then Sandy and I walked out the door! When we came back we were empty handed and I explained that we WILL NOT buy alcohal and that we are not going to enable her to kill her self with booze like dad did! I can't and won't!

Last nite Sandy and I found not only moms wacky juice stash but also my dad's reserves as well. 2 fifths of GIN, 2 fifth of bottom shelf vodka, 1 fifth of PATRONE Tequilla! And I also had found perscriptions that are some how missing! My sister and I are just LIVID! Don't get me wrong, my dad was a great man he just didn't grow up in some area's in his life! We both at times feel like why are we going the extra mile to make his life look great?? There were GREAT times in our lives but a lot of the memories had some kind of alcohal or drinking! I tried a sip of wine at my aunt and uncles tonite and I couldn't handle the taste. I love to sip on a glass of wine with a meal once in a blue moon but we both just felt ill! I don't think I will ever put a sip in my mouth again!!!! Like I said I just want to SCREAM REALLLLLLLLLLY LOUD!!!!! and at my mom! We have been home for one hour and she is already drunk. I have to let her grieve I know, but it's hard when this will just be repeated in the future! And when that time comes who knows what will happen?? I want to be in my home! I want my boys...Milo and Gizzmo! I want to be near Chris for comfort! I miss my Church in Oregon(not that I don't miss MY CHURCH in WA!!!) I am blessed all around and I just want to be back in my happy place! I have learned I don't like to get out of my daily routines very often. I have learned that not having all that I want right now is not a need but a WANT and that I can wait!!! I learned that you can't discuss funeral decisions with a drunk person. I also learned that you love them even more and hurt for them more because they can't use self control in their lives. The excesiveness of the abuse bantering back and forth. I LOVE being happy!
wendy

Better late than never...

Here are some pictures from my birthday outing with Chris!! It is soooo amazing how powerful God is. How in one moment He breathes life into a new growing baby and also created the mountains and waterfalls. Such beauty He brings into our lives! And living in Central Oregon shows A LOT of proof of His wondrous beauty!

wendy

I said Yes!

More brain ramblings

Where to start what to say how to feel.........it feels like time has stood still and I am stuck in this moment that I can't get out of! When life hands you a fastball and you don't know when to swing there is that thought could that have been the homerun or just another strike? Today at Church I was reminded by the outpouring of love and concern that when we are grieving that God is there to take care of us and that He is there ALL the time and He places the right people in our lives for comfort. He also instructs us to just lean on Him at ALL times.

My devotions for the day was Psalms 31:
In you O Lord I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness. Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me. Since YOU are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me!!! (verse 5) Into your hands I commit my spirit...verse 7...I will be glad and rejoice in your love for you saw (and still see) my affliction and know the anguish of my soul.(verse 14) But I trust in you , O Lord "YOU ARE MY GOD!!" My TIMES are in your hands!

And the last verse....
Verse 24: Be strong and take heart all of us who have hope in the Lord!!!

Some times I wonder if one person could be strong when it feels like the world is on a downward spiral. Thus far I sometimes think I am doing ok but then I feel at times that I am all fallen part. I feel the seams ripping apart. I am so blessed to be surrounded by my Church family who has always been around for me and my family. Ill write more later
wendy

MY PAPPA!!!!!

I don't know where to start or what to say or how to think right now~


At 12:43 am I got a phone call from my sister telling me that dad had died! NO I kept saying and to quit joking with me and oh your kidding! But in her voice I heard tears, tears I heard when my grampa died! I lost it!! I truely did! I was thankful that I had Chris right there to calm me down! But I have never cried so hard in my life. I don't think I actually hung up the phone with Sandy! Anyways after loosing it I thought that I must be in a DEEP DEEP DEEP R.E.M. stage of my beauty slumber! Not the case! Then it was reality!

What I am not sure of and am anxious to know is if he truely asked for forgiveness and if I will see my Pappa again in Heaven! That to me is the true reality of it all or the cold bowl of chille of life. So my hope is just that he cried out with his last breath! Yeah I am soooo bummed Im hurt and REALLY mad! I wish that I could just wake up! Daddy's are suppose to protect their little girls and teach them how to clean fish or just learn how to tie a hook and worm. He is suppose to hold you in his arms when you cry and are in pain. He is suppose to cheer you on at little league games and get all misty-eyed when you sing a song in front of him for the first time and how anytime I went out with my dad and mom to do karaoke I always had to sing the "Rose" for a nickle love song! Or he is suppose to cry when he gives his baby away or who would do anything for his daughter even wear a suit against his will for her special day. I have been lucky to have my daddy there for all my accomplishments and failures. I am just soo sadden that he only had 50 whole years and the best is yet to come! My dad never critisized any of my choices. He always supported my choices reguardless if they were good or bad...but I never made any bad choices! (Yes I feel pretty perfect) :)


I feel right now disconnected! Im in the computer room on the computer and my sister and mom are in the livingroom. I don't know what to do! I really never thought I would have to go thru this pain! I also when I was up here had a serious talk about life and death and to this day I knew he truely loved me, Sandy and mom. And we just talked as if nothing was wrong. I shared secrets with him that only a few people know. I told him that I was trying to stay married as long or longer then him and mom! And we just talked. He was MY BEST FRIEND!!!


And see what I don't get is that we sometimes overly abundantly love our people and yet sometimes I wonder if we as christians actually love our creator, our DADDY, our main person that over zealous love! And honestly the last few weeks thats where my focus wasn't. I still felt in the bottom of my heart I still needed to be here in Washington. And now I am here today and crying out for my own forgiveness for not showing the love I should have for my GOD~~


I don't regret the way my life has been! I am much happier in Oregon and am blessed to have found an AWESOME CHRISTIAN man who has helped me with my walk and who loves me, respects me, who treats me like a princess. I have known Chris for 9 months, becoming friends! Oh yeah and fishin buddies! ( I out fished him the first time we went fishin)


He has plans for the future and he wants me to be a part of it!


I wished that Chris would have met my dad but not all wishes come true~


Tomorrow is gonna be weird for me, I get to be at the most happiest place on earth...CHURCH!!!! But having to go over funneral plans for my dad, it just don't feel right...NUMB


I don't know what else to say or do so I think maybe I should go to bed so I can get up for church!


Wendy

Happy Fathers day!

What a day to focus on our Heavenly Father! Of course our Earthly fathers deserve recognition, but if God never exsisted then we wouldn't have our Daddies, Uncles, Grampas, Pastors and every other inflentual man in our lives!
I am blessed to have wonderful men in my life who love me! And I love you all!
Wendy

Back in Oregon!

After a 3 week long stay in Washington I am back in Oregon! After realizing that my dad DOES NOT want to fight for his life and the fact that my mom is who she is and talking to my pastor I am back where I am happy! Today is my dad's 50th birthday and that means 9 more days and I turn 30 and I am actually looking forward to start a new decade! A decade of happiness and me!
At this time in my life my focus is on healing my broken heart and spirit and grow in my Heavenly Father who I know does not torment me with drinking or health issues and who loves me for me and knows I was NOT a mistake!
My mom did apologize for the remark about me being the numbert 2 mistake but I still have harbored feelings from the past. How can some one apologize for something they were unaware of in the first place? Forgiving somebody who has always continued to hurt you is not an easy thing and truthfully I don't think I have forgiven my mom in my heart. I forgave her from the remark but not the rest of my life. I am bound and determined to make it thru life happy. I know life isn't always peachy but thats what the bumps in the raod are for just to make us keep focus that we are not perfect and that obsticals are for us to overcome!

On the lighter side of things...I went camping for a couple days and had a relaxing time with Gizzmo and Chris I caught my first bass...really little! And did some hiking by the Metolius River! We found some beautiful flowers and took pics of them! (will post later) This was Gizzmo's first camping adventure and I could not believe how tuckered out he was when we got home! What fun!
Love
Wendy

Pictures of Washington

The Rain...

I Love the rain! I really do! (yeah a true washingtonian) I love how at times we need it to wash all the pollen down the drains or add a little more drink to our plants. I also LOVE the way God uses His love to rain on us in the midst of trials and storms! This brings me back to my blog about praising Him in the storm and I am soo blessed to have those that Love me and pray for me! And those that trust God with all they have! What Godly exmaples! I love that when I feel like giving up He is there to pick me up and tell me to don't give up or how I know that if I need to cry He ALWAYS sends some one for me to use their shoulder to cry on. As I make this new chapter of my life better, I will never look back on my life as regretful just as some stuff I have overcame! It is a great feeling when you know that the huge hurdles we face are not that huge to God and thats why we can always fall back on His undying love and comfort!
I have become more dependant on God in the last year. I also have become more accountable to myself as well!
I will write more often now I promise and add pictures too, I love all of you! You are all my Brothers and Sisters in Christ and am THANKFUL for you all!
Wendy