I have a lot of thoughts going on in this almost 30 year old brain. I am trusting the Lord for the extra strength that I need! I have a lot of loose ends that I left in Washington that I need to mend and make right. Im trying hard to focus on the care of my dad, physically and spiritually! As I said earlier that my dad is very bitter and that he doesn't care of what happens to him! He tells me and Sandy that he doesn't deserve us as his children. How does a child respond to such a truth?? I hate that he has sooo much life and now it has been wasting away this past year so rapidly!
My Dad has always been the tough guy! He would try to fix what ever if it needed to be fixed. he taught me how to fish and to this day I LOVE to fish! I love that I share common intrests with him. He has lately gotten into putting model cars together and he is working on mine, a 1969 Dodge Charger (Dukes of Hazzard).
I have been here a whole week and I am miserable! I miss my new life I miss my sister I miss Chris and I REALLY miss my puppy(I will have him in a week) I feel like I am being selfish for feeling this way but I keep saying this but I felt soooo INDEPENDANT on my self being away from here that I LOVED the feeling of having no one but me and my puppy to fend for. Is that wrong??? I would do anything for my dad and every body knows that too.
But then there are times in the past week where I wonder if I need to be here! One day my dad is up and about and then one day he can't hardly walk! I feel that he just wants me here to just be here! And that frustrates me. I don't like the feeling of being used! I am glad to be here to see my loved ones but it feels like I am just on a short vacation and that I will be going back to Oregon soon! I am soooo torn!
I just barely get along with my mom and never get along when she is drunk! I just walk away and go to my room or now to the computer! OK so I have been writing this for a few days I should post it!
Love you all
wendy
No comments:
Post a Comment