Almost there!

So I finally have something to smile about in a way! I met up with Jason to go over the divorce papers and have him sign them as well! SOOOOO they have been signed and sent in which will be tuesday and in 90 days I will officially be a Culbertson again!
I am not happy that I am having to go through a divorce, but given the circumstances of EVERYTHING I felt that this was the only opption to become happier. I am saddend that I was betrayed and that I could never trust my husband but I am glad I found out then instead of another 10 years after!
We have decided to remain as friends but I am choosing to not be a part in his families lives. I just don't want to have to get caught up in their drama. I have no more reasons to take care of his family and get stressed out and put down and what ever pain and torture they piled on me!
10 years ago I never thought that I would be going thru all this...I thought life was suppose to be better once you are married and that you were richer financially when both spouses work. But my fairytale ended 3 years into our marriage!
I do want to express the gratitude I have for all those in the last year who have helped me financially, spiritually, and prayerfully! I am sooo blessed with you all in my life! I am a stronger woman because of the experience I have gone thru in the last 10 years! And being away and being the sole provider for my self and Gizzmo has made me feel confident in myself. I don't regret my past. I just wished it would have worked out better and that my eyes were open instead of being closed!
Anyways I am SOOOOO HAPPY!
Wendy

Randomizing my brain....

I have a lot of thoughts going on in this almost 30 year old brain. I am trusting the Lord for the extra strength that I need! I have a lot of loose ends that I left in Washington that I need to mend and make right. Im trying hard to focus on the care of my dad, physically and spiritually! As I said earlier that my dad is very bitter and that he doesn't care of what happens to him! He tells me and Sandy that he doesn't deserve us as his children. How does a child respond to such a truth?? I hate that he has sooo much life and now it has been wasting away this past year so rapidly!

My Dad has always been the tough guy! He would try to fix what ever if it needed to be fixed. he taught me how to fish and to this day I LOVE to fish! I love that I share common intrests with him. He has lately gotten into putting model cars together and he is working on mine, a 1969 Dodge Charger (Dukes of Hazzard).

I have been here a whole week and I am miserable! I miss my new life I miss my sister I miss Chris and I REALLY miss my puppy(I will have him in a week) I feel like I am being selfish for feeling this way but I keep saying this but I felt soooo INDEPENDANT on my self being away from here that I LOVED the feeling of having no one but me and my puppy to fend for. Is that wrong??? I would do anything for my dad and every body knows that too.

But then there are times in the past week where I wonder if I need to be here! One day my dad is up and about and then one day he can't hardly walk! I feel that he just wants me here to just be here! And that frustrates me. I don't like the feeling of being used! I am glad to be here to see my loved ones but it feels like I am just on a short vacation and that I will be going back to Oregon soon! I am soooo torn!

I just barely get along with my mom and never get along when she is drunk! I just walk away and go to my room or now to the computer! OK so I have been writing this for a few days I should post it!

Love you all

wendy

Central Oregon Ink...

I got a new tattoo yesterday! I love it! Since my dad has not been doing to well I thought I would do something to keep his memory and the rest of my family's memories. So eventually I am going to get all my family's favorite flowers in a vine accross my back! And for the kids in my life....and there is a alot, they are gonna be butterflies of their birth month birthstone.

So I will be home June 1st or at least thats the plan! I need prayer! My dad is super bitter and not doing to well. My mom says he has been ranting on her and she is stressed and I am not going to be able to handle that if he does that to me. But I know he doesn't have a mean bone towards me. I LOVE my Pappa A LOT and this pains me to see him this way! I have never seen him sooo helpless. I am gonna miss my home here in Oregon and the camping and fishing trips that have been planned but life with out my dad will be hard too!
Till next time
Wendy

This and that

"Life is like a box of Chocolates...You never know what your gonna get"
~Forrest Gump~

I have to agree with ol Forrest! I am in the midst of moving my stuff out of my cousin's house and figuring out what I want to take with me to Washington and planning my birthday fishing mission and making sure I am doing the right thing! I know this will be a test and I have to admitt I hate taking tests. (maybe because i never really studied for them) But I am sure that God is throwing this at me to enable me to be a stronger woman and to witness to my parents. I will be bringing Gizzmo with me and man he is become my Best Bud! He hates it when I go to work that if not being restrained by Chris then he will chase after me in the truck! I have to admitt its partly my fault that he chases the truck only because at times Milo and Gizzmo go for runs runnig after the truck and boy they both are fast little boogers!!! It is the funniest thing to watch! Thats one of the great things living in the country! You live on a dirt road that is about a half mile and at the end is your mail box! And its just awesome having a panoramic view of the mountains in your front window!
I am getting anxious about living back at home! I always told myself I would never move back home to my parent's home. I have a hard time getting along with my mom! We have never been really close and if my dad does die what do I do...I know that I want to stay here in Central Oregon and I know my sister is moving to Texas this year. But I think this is part of the test I have to endure!
I will see you all at the end of may! Love you
Wendy

Goin back to Washington...more stress

I was asked by my dad to come home and help him out while he dies...thats how he put it! WOW what a bold question to ask of a child. One of the reason's I moved to central Oregon was to get away from the element of my parents' drinking addictions! I don't know how to feel, I do feel, however, that after all these years of taking care of my mother in law I some how need to do the same for my parent! Especially my pappa! I for once in a decade did something for my self to become more healthier and happier and that was move away from the stressful life I was in and become independant and do things for Wendy....and now I feel really anxious and unsure about it all being up in washington!
I am thankful I will have a job and that I am able to go to church at my church! I am sooo thankful that I still have my friends and loved ones to count on when I need a shoulder! I will have my puppy to keep me busy too!
The reason I am coming home is that my dad has not been doing to well! He told me that he feels like he is dying every day and that some days he doesn't get out of bed. The other day he fell and couldn't get up by himself and his legs are soo swollen that it hurts to walk, sit or lay...
I do feel that this is an oppertunity to witness to my parents and be a servant and spend what ever time I can with my dad whether it be the best or not!
I still dont have a car and so Sandy and Justin will be bringing me back to washington! I am excited to see my new cousin who as of this minute has not made his appearance into this world...Hurry Tristan!
God Bless
Wendy

Im still here!

So it looks as though I haven't written in over a month and thats due to a lot of changes goin on. I quit working for dominos and went to pizza hut. I wasn't getting very many hours and so i had to find work where there was hours. I also moved in at my neighbors parents house...LONG STORY! So my address has changed...AGAIN.
I have been dealing with a lot at home even though i am not at home in Washington. It sounds like my dad is not doing to well and because he is doing this to himself doctors won't touch him with a ten foot pole! He was completely sober for one whole week and started up drinking again. I am torn about being so far away but I have been much MUCH HAPPIER since I moved! I am sorry for not being there for my gramma! She has done so much for me and my sister thru out our lives!!
Today I realized that I will be turning 30 in less then 3 mos!! I first thought nah im not gonna worry about turning 30 and then it just hit me im gonna be 30 and my dad I hope will be turning 50! But then Im still in my 20's now! :)

AMAZING!!!

Ok so I have slacked on my blogging!!! And please forgive me!!! Sometimes I feel like a drone for my job!! I almost feel like I should move all my stuff to work and just live there! Its really hard for me due to not having a car at this time to have a life. I am ALWAYS at work either working or waiting for a ride home. * I live 15 miles away* I chose the word AMAZING for my attribute of God because I am amazed how He allows things to work out for me. How He brought Chris in my life...my neighbor. It's nice to have a friend who is willing to help out when I need a ride or when I work all day someone to come and let my puppy out of his kennel and play with him. And just someone to just hang out with being out here in the country....Chris has an american bulldog name Milo. Milo and Gizzmo are great buddies! We take the boys for walks together and they are not short ones either! Sometimes as of lately we take them for midnight walks in the snow since it seems like it only snows at night! both of the dogs love the snow. Milo is 8 yrs old and he turns into a little puppy when he is out in the snow! Im Amazed that God has given me the strenth to stand up for my beliefs and to be able to witness to Chris. I am also amazed that I am becoming a stronger woman being on my own and having self control. I am also amazed that I am surviving all the snow we have been having!! I LOVE IT!!!
I need to ask for forgiveness for not communicating with everyone and that I am honestly not trying to forget everyone! I did get a new phone number and plan to give it out!
LOVE YOU ALL!!!
Wendy
PS Amy...gramma said you had to miss Church today...Im praying for you and Anna that you both will be healthy and safe!!
love you
me