So today was my 9 year anniversary. But it wasn't celebrated due to my hubby and I deciding a month ago that it would be better that we divorce. It's a hard pill to swallow and with my dad in the hospital it was even worse. All I could think about was the vows I made to love and to cherish to forsake all others thru sickness and health to we are parted by death. Vows I took to heart where as my husband probably really didn't mean much. I neer really thought in a million years that I would be divorced and that I would be single and that I would be fending for my self and not being a wife and doing all the fun wifey things. I never thought that would happen. Thats the one thing I was not thinking about when I made those promises. I was thinking about our future, children our careers and when I could get out of my wedding dress. But now that it is all over I feel defeated sometimes that I had tried so hard to win a battle that could never be won. Now that I am truely in LOVE with my savior I can go on, yeah sure I am gonna be sad, it wasn't all that bad it just got worse over the last few years. I know God is with me to the end no matter if I remarry or not I just know that I have Him as my "husband" and that HE will provide!!!!
BECAUSE HE LIVES!!!!
Wendy
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Where to begin....
I am home for a short time due to the fact my dad was taken to the hospital yesterday. So Sandy(my sister) and I packed up and left this morning to be with my dad. My Dad and Mom as you all know are alcoholics and the result of being a HEAVY drinker wins you a trip to the ER and then a pass strait to ICU!!! Come to find out my Dad's Liver is shuting down and that he has some Scerosis too. He is heavily sedated at this time and so he doesn't really know whats going on but he was and still is being restrained because of his actions last nite. He had pulled out one of his IV's and was causing a comotion I guess. His blood count is low and so they had to gove him 2 transfusions and thus far it has been working. They will be going into his esophagus tomorrow to see if there is any internal bleeding which this is a risky procedure if he has any tares in his esophogus which is also associated with alcoholism. If you read this and you are a christian pleas pray for my dad, his name is George.
When I had heard that my daddy was in the hospital I felt soo hopeless not being able to just run down to the hospital and be there for him. And then I got and still am angry!! Angry over the fact that this could have been prevented if he would or had only quit drinking like it was going out of style. In one half year I have had so much happen in my life that I wish none of it on anyone even my worse enemy if I have any...But then I just stopped and thought that my anger is not what God wants me to be, but how do you turn your anger to something good??? Well u thank God is what you do for giving you the trials he places in your life and here I am reverting to my previous posts about praising God in the biggest storms in our lives!! I have been away from home for over a month now and I have neve felt so good and happy and at peace with my decision. Jason and I are going to end our marriage which is for the best, in fact as I write this I should be celebrating my 9th wedding annivesary(7/11) but Im not and don't know how to handle the loss. Its almost like loosing a loved one I mean I did but somtimes I always thought we would be together for ever living life in the crazey lane, but it only took me a week to realize that Jason was not going to change his ways to make our marrige work and it can't work with just one person. And now that I lost one person this year I feel like I am loosing my dad as well! I still have a lot to learn about life and how it works and what true happiness is. I know that my one true happiness is God and that I can dwell on till the day I die. But then there are these trials that just seem to pop up all of a sudden and then you sometimes don't do anything or you do something and it helps for the moment but sometimes we let it go on and fester until we break. I have been at that point and I don't want to be there again!
Other than that I have been doing really good I think I have finally found a church in Oregon which was a very important thing for me to do!!! But it will never replace my home church Valley Bible!!! I have recieved so many cards and letters that it makes me homesick!! Thanks, I know what u are all trying to do.... :} But I have made a decision to stay longer and move in with my cousin in their apartment on their property in the fall. I am working at Domino's with my sister and am already runnig shifts! I like it. I have been doing a lot of exploring with a friend up to the mountains and all over the area finding cheap things to do when a person is broke!! It's kinda fun! I will try to write more while I am home! I love you all!!!!!!!
Wendy
When I had heard that my daddy was in the hospital I felt soo hopeless not being able to just run down to the hospital and be there for him. And then I got and still am angry!! Angry over the fact that this could have been prevented if he would or had only quit drinking like it was going out of style. In one half year I have had so much happen in my life that I wish none of it on anyone even my worse enemy if I have any...But then I just stopped and thought that my anger is not what God wants me to be, but how do you turn your anger to something good??? Well u thank God is what you do for giving you the trials he places in your life and here I am reverting to my previous posts about praising God in the biggest storms in our lives!! I have been away from home for over a month now and I have neve felt so good and happy and at peace with my decision. Jason and I are going to end our marriage which is for the best, in fact as I write this I should be celebrating my 9th wedding annivesary(7/11) but Im not and don't know how to handle the loss. Its almost like loosing a loved one I mean I did but somtimes I always thought we would be together for ever living life in the crazey lane, but it only took me a week to realize that Jason was not going to change his ways to make our marrige work and it can't work with just one person. And now that I lost one person this year I feel like I am loosing my dad as well! I still have a lot to learn about life and how it works and what true happiness is. I know that my one true happiness is God and that I can dwell on till the day I die. But then there are these trials that just seem to pop up all of a sudden and then you sometimes don't do anything or you do something and it helps for the moment but sometimes we let it go on and fester until we break. I have been at that point and I don't want to be there again!
Other than that I have been doing really good I think I have finally found a church in Oregon which was a very important thing for me to do!!! But it will never replace my home church Valley Bible!!! I have recieved so many cards and letters that it makes me homesick!! Thanks, I know what u are all trying to do.... :} But I have made a decision to stay longer and move in with my cousin in their apartment on their property in the fall. I am working at Domino's with my sister and am already runnig shifts! I like it. I have been doing a lot of exploring with a friend up to the mountains and all over the area finding cheap things to do when a person is broke!! It's kinda fun! I will try to write more while I am home! I love you all!!!!!!!
Wendy
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